By: Mirjam Mueller
Beginning struggles with my blue dress and a pinker way of living
Honestly, it was not easy for a woman like me to study Femininity. The masculine part in me used to be bigger then my feminine part. Preconceptions about role models and femininity held me back from blossoming into my Divine Femininity. Yet, through my travels and especially my studies at Agama Yoga I am inspired on a lifelong journey into the Divine Feminine.
For me Divine Femininity means the source of all, the pure vital force, the healing intuitive nature, pure love, indescribable, powerful and beautiful.
In the beginning I was not interested in creating space for a little bit pinker way of living. Ok, I know pink is a superficial word when it comes to femininity. Femininity is much more than that.
Before I came to study my own feminine essence I didn't realize that femininity is much more then wearing pink rouge. My mother raised me from an early time by herself. She drummed into me to always be self-sufficient and strong. She especially told me never to be dependent on a man.
What she told me was to only trust my inner man. So I learned to emphasize the right side of my life, the solar, masculine side and also only wanted to be treated right-handed so to speak. Ignored my inner woman, intuitive lunar side by not listening to it and not playing it out.
Studying at a Catholic girl’s school for many years certainly did not make me more feminine.
I started to act very manly once I escaped from the nuns and Catholic school. I wore long, baggy pants instead of my blue dress patterned with ducks and a white collar chosen by my mom.
I was a tomboy
I competed with my male friends and was not interested in girl talk. What is so interesting about nail polish anyway? I thought girl talk was a superficial idea all about cosmetics. Maybe to a certain degree that is true, but there is more to it. Why is it that feminine women are so concerned with their beauty and what they should hang on themselves like on a Christmas tree?
There must be something metaphysical behind all this?!
Mother India is My Teacher
I left my sweet home to travel for a year through India when I was eighteen. Traveling through India taught me so many things on so many levels. I still believed that I actually was a man on the inside. I quickly realize that I was indeed a woman when traveling alone in India. I was simply treated differently.
This was both a curse and a blessing. It was a curse because I realized that there is still a strong, discriminating, patriarchal system existing. It made the feminism in me boil. It was a blessing because I actually started to think about my role as a woman. I started to look at the piece I play in this universal theater. I realized how blessed I was being a woman from the west because I can make my own decisions, travel by myself, vote and speak up.
My Empowerment
The experiences I had in India were strongly connected to my sexuality. I realized men are attracted to my body, by my feminine curves, my movements, by my very feminine energies. It made me think...
I went deeper into gender studies at University. I explored the differences in genders and why we treat them differently. In childhood every girl will experience a different reality than a boy. I became interested in women’s rights and women’s empowerment work.
I decided to go back to India to work at AVAG, an NGO for rural Indian women in Tamil Nadu.
I helped Indian women to startup enterprises with microcredit and participated in Self-Help Group meetings. What I learned there was that women can empower each other from their very essence. Women are wise beings and by inspiring each other we grow and shine even more.
The Big Discovery
I knew that the transformational cherry-on-top was waiting for me after feeling empowered and energized from my experiences in Tamil Nadu. I left for a yoga holiday to Thailand and found Agama Yoga.
I participated in the Rites of Passage. The Rites of Passage is a ritual for woman to finally grow from a girl into a woman. In the west this is a long lost tradition, but so essential. It is the step into growing up and becoming wiser.
A transformation and symbolic milestone. A dance of all the senses, of all aspects in a life of a woman. We prepared for ten days practicing purifications and tuning into our feminine essence.
My masculine part was getting nervous and protested with emotions, skin rashes and funny thoughts.
My old patterns were highly provoked.
I dug out and excavated interesting emotions and perspectives. I examined them and after I made my decision they eventually got thrown into to the garbage. It is like cleaning out your wardrobe. You look at it, try it on and if it fits you keep it. I threw out many things.
In the final night of my Rites of Passage we danced and danced and danced.
We danced all the phases in the life of a woman. I suddenly understood. I understood from my heart what womanhood means to me. I swore to myself that from this moment on I would thank the Universe every single day that it gave me the gift of embodying a woman in this life time.
In this night the mysteries of my own very feminine essence unveiled and showed a glimpse of it’s beauty and of every women’s beauty in the room. I answered the question, what does it mean to be an empowered woman? From childhood to motherhood till death every step bears a certain fragrance.
I understood the more I surrender into the fragrance, the very essence, the stillness between two sounds or the empty space between two lines the closer I am to peace and contentment.
I left behind the ignorance towards my own sexuality.
I am loving being a woman! My soul jumps and I know that being a feminine women is not giving up power, being a feminine women is gaining power. Why should a women who wants to be seen, heard and evolve copy a man’s behavior when she has her own weapons to do so?
Go on
I am an empowered feminine woman now. I needed to go through extremes in order to find what I was looking for. That sounds like a happy end: from a tomboy to a feminine woman. I see it more like a happy start. This is the beginning of the discovery of my Divine femininity.
There is a contained strong energy, which is giving me the perseverance to continue my work, my studies and especially my embodiment work. I am sharing my experience to let the message of Divine Femininity shine through to inspire you on your journey to Divine Femininity.
Thank you Universe for the gift of womanhood.
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Mirjam studied Social Work and is a natural Karma Yogi who was born in the astrological sign of Pisces and raised in the beautiful Alps of Germany. She works with NGOs in Germany and India. Mirjam has studied with Agama Yoga for three years. Since then she is following her passion, which is the study of the Divine Feminine. Visit her Blog, where she writes passionately as Mariah Free about Femininity, her experiences and other juicy topics.